MARTYRDOM
Martyrdom is a defense against any lack/loss of Control over your Space.
This could be about control over your life, health/body, material or intangible things, others, the environment/world etc.- but always with the fear that those are hurting rather than helping you & never comply to your wishes, demands and expectations.
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NEGATIVE SPECTRUM
In -Victimization, you feel a victim to everything around, at their mercy, and deserving the pity you desire as that victim. You deny your self-responsibility entirely, and everything is too far out of control & hopeless for you to change unless others change for you: so you are plagued by so many "if only's".
"If only he could change, then I could." "If only this would happen, then that could." "If only this hadn't happened, then that wouldn't have."
SLIDING
When you fall into -Victimization, you begin to feel -Intolerant, with growing exasperation that time is being wasted, not fast enough, too fast, and that you have no control over your actions anymore.
To move into -Selflessness you'd benefit from -Audacity.
This means taking a leap, harnessing your courage to do something that is more than just being a victim, and considering the effective use of your time compared to the energy you spend on your fear of uncontrollable chaos.
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Selflessness can also arise in pushing through your fears with a -Determination that things can change- shifting away from becoming -Obstinate that you will always lack/lose control of your external and internal space.
POSITIVE SPECTRUM
In -Selflessness, you take action, often in noble ways, doing what others won’t and taking on the good or bad responsibilities of that- but only so you don't lose control of it all.
CONTEXTS OF FEAR
When Martyrdom protects the GOAL, it is terrifying for you to have no control over happenings in the world around you that could destroy what you've made to feel effective, successful and fulfilled.
Your every step is concerned with who/what could spiral out of control, harming you/your commitments and leaving you stuck defenseless in a storm. You're at risk of becoming a victim to everything.
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When it protects the MODE, you become preoccupied with controlling how others close to you inspire or reflect you. If you can't control this or they don't do that, you feel like a victim.
This can eventually result in a strong urge to "take the bull by the horns" and even compulsively help/fix the troubles in your relationship at all costs so that it does not fall into chaos.
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When Martyrdom is ingrained in your BODY, it can show up as staying in one familiar location, not moving beyond; dealing with legitimate concerns over variables in your environment/personal space that have harmed you, or are out of your control; and experiencing visceral pity+sympathy for those struggling/ill, trapped by their bodies.
You might even turn to use your obligations and responsibilities to justify staying in a position so you don't risk having no control over unfamiliar forces.
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When it protects you from the PAST, then you're often reminded that you had no control over forces around+within you in your history & this leads you to resign to your past as a victim or see what actions/patterns you had to choose to survive through those circumstances
Protecting you from the FUTURE, Martyrdom imagines your life/body/world in a state of chaos in the future and prompts you to feel victimized by that possibility or fix/correct things to prevent it from happening.
When Martyrdom protects you from being PRESENT, you're preoccupied with everything that you don't have control over right now- which keeps your attention away from appreciating and nurturing what is orderly & beautiful in this moment of your life.
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If Martyrdom is your CORE DEFENSE, then you feel you can't heal, evolve and be whole until you're in control of everything that is harming you. You will not move on until everything chaotic is in place & you and/or others experience
how productive, accomplished and successful you are in controlling your space.
KEY TO HEALING
If you catch yourself in the defenses of Martyrdom and wish to change this, the key to healing is in OWNING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS- whether that be with others, your self, life, the environment etc.
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Martyrs can often be preoccupied with controlling and fixing what's wrong, but NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE FIXED- it can come to its own healing without your force. (1)
And YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN help or must fix things. (2)
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THE ONLY SPACE YOU OWN IS YOU
In life, the only thing you can control is YOU. It's important to know that you cannot always control the space around you- because various things WILL always happen in that space & there are boundaries to what your consciousness can control and interact with. (3)
YOU ARE A SURVIVOR and OTHERS ARE TOO
Draw from your past experiences that prove you+others are SURVIVORS- not victims- through many struggles (4); that care enough to continue & that can REACH OUT to each other for strength and support.
There are true victims and survivors in life that have been harmed in ways that force them to make choices toward survival, but victim-hood only exists when you resign yourself from making any choices. (5)
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Even if you're dealing with survival, boundaries and control to the point of tunnel vision (only being able to see what's right in front of you), remember that YOU CAN SEE+LOOK FURTHER THAN YOU THINK you can for guidance & inspiration in how to pave a path forward. (6)
Above all however, stop thinking others need to break through your boundaries & save/perfect you for you to stop blaming everyone for your circumstances & justifying to yourself that you can be difficult/insensitive to them (and their boundaries) for the condition that your life is in now.
Choose to BE NICE and bring in a greater appreciation for what you do have/can do. This ironically helps create more support+valid control over your life in far more effective ways than being difficult could ever do. (7)