SELF-DEPRECATION
Self-Deprecation is a defense against Inadequacy or Not Being Enough.
It arises when you fear you're being misunderstood, not seen clearly enough, or not being recognized and credited as you feel you should be.
So when you find personal fault in the fact that you failed standards & expectations you or others set for you/defined you by- your go-to defense is to simply feel guilt and shame about that.
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NEGATIVE SPECTRUM
In -Self-Abasement, you drown yourself in self-doubt, as you emphasize your inadequacies (beating yourself up/calling yourself out) before others can- letting them know you know and see what is undoubtedly wrong or incompetent about you.
This can even carry forth in that you prevent yourself from feeling invisible or unimportant by trying to prove yourself & strive for love, affection and approval- berating yourself every time you don't get that.
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SLIDING
When you fall into -Self-Abasement, -Vanity begins to set in as you need to be seen less for something you feel you are vulnerable for, and seen more for something you're not- or you don't want to be seen at all.
To move into -Humility, you'd benefit from boosting your -Pride and beginning to see where you are improving, where your strength+confidence are building and where you ARE being better than someone/thing.
For instance, if you compared yourself to past you and found you got better somehow, this helps you feel adequate.
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Humility can also arise in pushing through your fears with a -Determination that things can change- shifting away from becoming -Obstinate that you will always be inadequate, not enough, under-exposed and misunderstood.
POSITIVE SPECTRUM
In -Humility, you experience some success and strength, but are modest about it in the presence of others.
This often shows in dumbing down your accomplishments, simply "being honest" you aren't as good/capable anyway, feeling bad so seeking comfort, second-guessing, or using humor to make light of your faults and errors.
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CONTEXTS OF FEAR
When Self-Deprecation protects the GOAL, it often pushes you to act better than you are because you're never good enough or amount to nothing in the world around.
You always feel catapulted into life without any clue what to do or how to navigate, walking on egg-shells and constantly deferring the importance and significance of your achievements to someone else.
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When it protects the MODE, this means when others get close, you panic that *this* is all they see of you; so you over-compensate to reveal more that reflects your self-image.
No matter how close you are to another, you constantly feel invisible, alone, betrayed, useless, misunderstood, disheartened etc. because they don't see you & this fulfills your fears like a self-prophecy.
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When Self-Deprecation is ingrained in your BODY, you may feel a need to hide, hunch and be invisible- always withdrawing to have some alone time. Or you might desperately seek affection, comforting distractions and pleasures to soothe your inadequacy & escape from life's harsh experiences.
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When it protects you from the PAST, you feel that you/your choices weren't adequate enough to prove your self, strength and value in the past. Thus you feel you can't own & give credit to your history.
Protecting you from the FUTURE, your imagination makes you recoil at all the possible inadequacies and under-exposure you could end up feeling from choices/events that may happen.
If Self-Deprecation protects you from being PRESENT, then you are always so preoccupied with not being enough & not living up to your standards/expectations now, that you're never conscious of where you are happy.
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If Self-Deprecation is your CORE DEFENSE, then you feel you can't heal, evolve and be whole until you start feeling understood, adequate & good enough. You will not move on until you feel you and/or others perceive, love and approve of your conditions/standards.
KEY TO HEALING
If you catch yourself in the defenses of Self-Deprecation and wish to change this, the key to healing is through SELF-NURTURING & COMPASSION.
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YOU AREN`T IN TROUBLE
If your only concern is in fear of being caught, called out, humiliated, made an example or in trouble- you will never truly be your best. ALLOW ROOM for your failure and incompetence without letting that define you- but instead let it be A PART of you & inform you of how you can learn from or build upon the past. (1)
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YOUR BEST MAY NOT BE THE BEST
Inadequacy is NATURAL: fear tells otherwise. There WILL always be times where you will not meet expectations or do/be the best that someone else can. Be kind to yourself as part of your improvements and pursuits. (2)
CLEAN YOUR CONSCIENCE and ENVIRONMENT
Let past failures become the foundation or fertilizer to help you improve, rather than be preserved and dug up at a moment's notice to justify how "shitty" you are. Take note of how much you let CLUTTER and BUILD UP in both your conscience (3) and environment because it's too much to care. (4)
CARE FOR YOURSELF
Rather than expect others need to/should care for you- be personally attentive to the needs and invitations of your body, heart and mind to give yourself kindness, good food, entertainment, bathing, hygiene in ways that actually transform your feelings of invisibility/incompetence into self-nurturing.
Stop skipping out on routines and invitations to care for you and your body. (5)
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And above all, STOP APOLOGIZING/EXCUSING for who/how you are (6)- OWN YOURSELF and your mistakes and grow from them.
When you respond rather than react, you become response-able for your life and self-esteem. (7)